All posts by The Beetle

Jokes sent in by Krys

Flight Log Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P – stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and S – stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

  • P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
  • S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
  • P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
  • S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
  • P: Something loose in cockpit.
  • S: Something tightened in cockpit.
  • P: Dead bugs on windshield.
  • S: Live bugs on backorder.
  • P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
  • S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
  • P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
  • S: Evidence removed.
  • P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
  • S: DME volume set to more believable level.
  • P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
  • S: That's what they're there for!
  • P: IFF inoperative.
  • S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
  • P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
  • S: Suspect you're right.
  • P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
  • S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
  • P: Aircraft handles funny.
  • S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
  • P: Radar hums.
  • S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
  • P: Mouse n cockpit.
  • S: Cat installed


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Nigerian Scams – the 419 scam

They have got to be the most annoying junk mail that the Beetle receives….ever! You must have received one at least: you know, it's a long e-mail bemoaning the death of a supposed husband, father, uncle etc. who has millions of $ trapped in a bank account. In exchange for a small investment – and you have been chosen for this very exciting opportunity (not!) to receive a commission for helping to release these funds by transferring a few thousand dollars of your own to a named bank account and in return, you receive 30%, or some variation on the theme. But have you ever wondered who these people are, that send out these blatant scams? And why? And do people really respond?

Frank from the US sent the Beetle a piece called The Nigerian Nightmare – Who's sending you all those scam e-mails by BrendanI.Koerner.lnk. In this, the author explains that the e-mailers behind these e-mails are almost always Lagos-based con artists looking for people greedy enough and stupid enough to spend thousands in pursuit of nonexistent fortunes. “They aim to lure you to Nigeria or to a nearby nation where you'll be cajoled into ponying up endless fees to secure the “riches”-$30,000 for a “chemical solvent” to disguise the money or $50,000 for “customs duties”. When you eventually wise up, faux police barge into your hotel and demand massive bribes in exchange for your freedom. Tapped out? Expect to be held for ransom or murdered”.

This is a scam known as a 419, named after the penal code making it illegal. According to the anti-spam software vendor Brightmail, 419 scams are the Web's second-most common form of junk mail, (ranking behind only those “herbal Viagra” ads). Believe it or not, an estimated 1 percent of recipients actually respond. Of that number, enough people fork over enough cash to sustain an industry that ranks in Nigeria's top five, right up there with palm oil and tin. The U.S. Secret Service has estimated-conservatively, by its own admission-that the scammers net $100 million per year.

So, just don't……..



Currency Conversion

A recent UK survey for the Department for Education found that of over 1,000 adults found 30% felt unable to compare rates in exchange bureaux. A similar proportion said they were not comfortable converting foreign currency into sterling. Over a fifth of those surveyed admitted they had wrongly calculated how much they spent on holiday, with 12% saying they had run out of money.

The Globetrotters Club has just teamed up with Oanda.com to provide people with information about currency conversions and cheat sheets. To translate currency or make a cheat sheet, visit:

The Globetrotters Currency Converter — get the exchange rates for 164 currencies
The Globetrotters Currency Cheat Sheet — create and print a currency converter table for your next trip.



Heart Equipment on Board Planes

The US carrier Horizon Air, based in Seattle, is set to equip its entire fleet of 60 regional aircraft with defibrillators and medical kits to deal with in-flight heart attack emergencies.

Horizon is making the move two years ahead of a US Federal Aviation Administration deadline requiring any US commercial plane of at least 7,500 pounds and carrying at least one flight attendant to install the life-saving equipment.



London Christmas Lights

Yes, it's almost that time of year again. The annual Regent Street Christmas lights will be turned on Wednesday 13 November and will remain lit until 6 January 2003.



London:

7th September 2002 London meeting Review by Padmassana

We had two excellent speakers who both captured the essence of the countries they talked about with some fantastic photographs.

Our first speaker was Marion Bull who showed us the N’Afjer plateau in the Algerian Sahara. This area is the site of the world’s oldest rock paintings, some dating back 12,000 years. Marion explained that although UNESCO protects the paintings, many have been damaged over the last few years by Arabic graffiti, and as there have been few tourists to this area, the government has not protected them. The slides of the rock paintings Marion showed us depicted prehistoric scenes of long extinct animals, pastoral scenes of grazing cattle, newer pictures of what appeared to be a boat and fishermen and paintings of chariots being pulled by animals.

This area of Algeria is also the site of The Forest of Stones, which look like streets and stretch for 35 miles. These “streets” of rock have spectacular pinnacles, which Marion said were difficult to photograph due to the shadows cast by neighbouring towers of rock. But Marion did these wonderful formations justice with her colourful slides. We were lucky that Marion was able to show us these wonderful images, as when she was leaving the area her plane had a little mishap, and she had to spend another night in her sleeping bag on the runway tarmac.

Our second speaker was Julian Webster who treated us to some glorious images of India. These included pictures of the Ganges high in the Himalayas, right down to India’s southern tip, showing us a lifeguard complete with a pointy “Go Faster” swim hat! We saw colourful images of religious India including temples in Kerala, Buddhists in the north, Christian nuns and Oracles who treat the local people with their magic. Julian moved onto India at work, from the washing Ghats in Bombay (Mumbai), where we saw clothes being beaten clean on stones, Fish markets, Railway station bookshops with English sounding names and even the office of “The World Famous Sex Therapist”! Julian finished with some of the classical images of India such as holy cows and the Taj Mahal.

On Saturday 5th October, Eamonn Gearon will give a talk called “Walking to Siwa – and then staying there!” This features solo camel trekking in the Libyan desert and life in the Egyptian oasis of Siwa, past present and future. This is an extract from just one of Eamonn's expeditions in North Africa – he is already planning his next to Sudan/Liberia.

After the break, Tahir Shah will give a talk entitled “In search of King Solomon’s Mines.” Tahir is the third generation of his family to become obsessed with King Solomon's mines. He travelled to Ethiopia to a remote cliff face monastery where visitors are pulled up by rope, the ruined castles of Gondar, to rock-hewn churches of Lalibela, an illegal gold mine, and the hardest leg to the accursed mountain of Tullu Wallel, where legend says the shafts to the entrance to King Solomon's mines. All class competition for Rider Haggard's classic adventure novel!

London meetings are held at The Church of Scotland, Crown Court, behind the Fortune Theatre in Covent Garden at 2.30pm the first Saturday of each month. There is no London meeting in August, but we will be back on Saturday 1st September. For more information, you can contact the Globetrotter Info line on +44 (0) 20 8674 6229, or visit the website: www.globetrotters.co.uk


Dead Sea Rescue Plan

The Dead Sea is falling by about one metre (3ft) a year due to declining rainfall, and an increase in the amount of irrigation water being taken from the River Jordan. Water flows in from the River Jordan and other sources, but there is no outflow – it simply evaporates, concentrating the salts in the water into brine. Environmentalists warn the salt lake could vanish by 2050 if nothing is done.

Israel and Jordan announced at the recent World Summit on Sustainable Development in Johannesburg that they have agreed on a plan to build an $800 million pipeline to pipe water north from the Gulf of Aqaba in Red Sea to the Dead Sea.



Cheap anti-malaria drug 'closer'

Doctors aiming to make a cheap and effective malaria drug available across Africa have been awarded a $1.5m grant by the Gates Malaria Partnership, based at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, which was established with $40m from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation in 2000.

Experts will look at the best way of using the anti-malarial drug Lapdap. Tom Kanyock, manager of product development for TDR, said: “It appears that Lapdap would offer a safe and effective low -cost alternative to the drugs currently available. Both drugs which make up Lapdap have been around for a long time, and used for other things”.



UK Air Passenger Complaints

The AUC (Air Transport Users Council– the UK airline watchdog) recently issued a list of the 20 most complained about airlines. They said there was “little evidence” that airlines were showing “any real concern about the impact on passengers of damaged, delayed or lost luggage”. Lost luggage, flight cancellations and problems with tickets – particularly for those booked over the internet and by telephone – were among the most common complaints.

Top five written complaints

Delay: 19%

Mishandled baggage: 15%

Flight cancellations: 9%

Reservations: 8%

Overbooking: 7%

The AUC said it was especially worried about budget airline Ryanair which, it claimed, often displayed a poor attitude towards its customers. Overall, Ryanair was the third most complained about airline – receiving 77 written complaints, compared with 117 for the biggest carrier, British Airways, and 110 for Air France.

The top 10 are as follows:

1) British Airways + subsidiaries: 117 2) Air France: 110 3) Ryanair: 77 4) KLM + subsidiaries: 53 5) Easyjet: 42 6) MyTravel (formerly Airtours):39 7) Britannia: 33 8=) Air 2000: 32 8=)Go: 32 10) BMI British Midland: 29

The Beetle says she is pleased to see Ryan air in the list, and is not surprised to see most of the other low cost carriers all represented.