Category Archives: archive

Travel Jokes

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.

Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines. Our seat cushions can be used for flotation and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, as you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

Meeting News from New York

There will be no July and August meetings, but back in the Fall, with a new format!

For details of forthcoming meetings email newyork@globetrotters.co.uk or register for email updates, click here at our website.

New York meetings are held at The Wings Theatre, 154 Christopher Street (btw Greenwich St and Washington St ), to the right of Crunch Fitness, in the Archive on the first Saturday of each month at 4 pm . Admission $8, non members, $10.

Mac.s Travel Tips

MacI read somewhere that two Australian women travelling in Africa to dissuade anyone taking stuff from their backpacks put rubber toy snakes on top of their stuff in backpacks.ï¿Â½ They heard Africans and others were afraid of snakes.ï¿Â½ (When I lived in Grant Bldg here at the Soldiers Home in Washington DC, pigeons would use the window sill outside my room as a toilet.ï¿Â½ I brought a similar toy rubber snake and put on the window sill.ï¿Â½ The pigeons took no notice and still performed their toilet all over it. ï¿Â½Ha!)

I don’t know how accurate this is, but I read that if you pay for airline ticket with a credit card the credit card number goes on the airline ticket.ï¿Â½ I know many recommend you pay for airline ticket with a credit ca rd in case they go broke you are covered etc. But this adds a new dimension.

Someone suggested that when you go to the beach you put your valuables in a plastic bag and bury in sand and cover with a blanket while you swim. Someone else suggested a waterproof bag you could take in water with you.

Years ago I met a couple in Rio De Janeiro travelling around the world. ï¿Â½They took their airline bag to the beach and she used it as a pillow while he swam. A big wave came up and she lifted her head to see how he was doing and when she put her head back her pillow was gone.ï¿Â½ No one saw anything but interesting enough there were two undercover policemen just wearing bathing suits that took the couple up in the hills nearby to see if anyone was carrying their airline bag. This was unsuccessful so they returned to the beach and someone said they saw some little boys burying something in the sand (supposed to come back at night andï¿Â½ retrieve).ï¿Â½ They found the bag intact and the grateful couple dispensed money to all.

If you would like to contact Mac, he is happy to answer e-mails: macsan400@yahoo.com

Our Friends Ryanair

What are they up to now? In yet another bid to save more money, Ryanair are trying to reduce the amount of luggage passengers check in. They say that passengers with checked-in baggage may be asked to pay a fee for each checked-in bag to reflect the cost of providing check-in and baggage handling services. Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary said that he hoped to introduce charges of up to £50 a bag next year, with a view to phasing out hold luggage. “The purpose is not to make money from checked-in luggage – the purpose is to get rid of it altogether.” In future, he said he wanted passengers to print out boarding passes when they booked tickets on the internet, allowing them to go directly to their departure gate on arrival at the airport.

So, be warned, you are encouraged to carry your luggage with you and will be forced to pay an excess luggage charge of £4.50 per kilo above the new checked in limit of 15kg. From July 2004, Ryanair have made changes to the amount of luggage that can be a) checked in; b) carried on to the plane and c) increased the excess luggage charge, as follows:

· Increase in the personal ‘carry on’ baggage limit from 7kgs to 10 kgs per passenger (will there really be enough room for ever passenger’s 7kg bag? I doubt it somehow.)

  • Reduction in the personal ‘checked in’ baggage limit from 20 kgs to 15 kgs
  • Increase in the charge for excess baggage from £4.00 to £4.50 per kilo.

Ryanair has sacked two of its workers who sat in an overcrowded plane’s toilets for a flight from Spain because there were no other seats. The captain of the packed flight from Girona, near Barcelona, to Dublin Airport resigned after he gave the two cabin crew permission. “This is the first such incident of staff travelling on an already full aircraft in the 20 year history of Ryanair,” the company said in a statement.

And more legal spats: after legal disagreements between Ryanair and BBA who operate Stansted airport on fuel charges at Stansted, Ryanair have announced that they will invest USD$240 million to expand its second British base at London Luton. Ryanair accused BAA of overcharging on a fuel levy introduced in 1991 to pay for a GBP£12 million (USD$22.1 million) fuel hydrant system, saying the airport operator had recovered more than GBP£34 million (USD$62.7 million) in 14 years. “There is going to be the mother and father of all wars,” Chief Exec Michael O’Leary told reporters in London. “We are not prepared to be robbed at Stansted. It is a low-cost airport with a high-cost fuel-levy scam going on.” BAA said it was planning to sue Ryanair for GBP£1 million (USD$1.85 million) in landing fees which it said the carrier was refusing to pay in response to the fuel-levy dispute.

Our friends Ryanair have been criticised by the UK advertising watchdog for using the term ‘giveaway’ in an advert. The advert stated a ‘one million flight giveaway’ as long as customers paid taxes, fees and airport charges. The British Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) said the advert which ran in the Daily Mirror newspaper was “ambiguous”. “If something is being described as a giveaway”. consumers shouldn’t have to spend a penny,” an ASA spokeswoman said. However, Ryanair argued that the term “giveaway” meant “to denote or bestow as a gift or prize” or “to sell very cheaply”. This is not the first time Ryanair has got into trouble with the ASA. In Feb 2004, the airline was deemed to have used offensive language in an advert – just before bonfire night in November, they had an ad depicting fireworks with the headline “Fawking great offers.” The ASA received 47 complaints from the public on the grounds that the wording was too suggestive.

Cat Lost in Florida Is Found in California

From a newspaper article spotted by Frank in the US.ï¿Â½ Workers at San Francisco’s Department of Animal Care and Control located the owner of a newly arrived stray cat they couldn’t believe what they found: the cat belonged to a woman in Bradenton, Fla. – 3,000 miles away.ï¿Â½ Florida resident Pamela Edwards had adopted the black, short-haired cat in the summer of 1997, naming it Cheyenne. Just a few months later, Cheyenne disappeared. Edwards hung flyers and ran ads in the local paper to try to locate the cat, but had no luck.

Cheyenne was dropped off at Animal Care and Control after someone found her wandering down a San Francisco street.ï¿Â½ After scanning her for a microchip and finding she had been lost in Florida seven years ago, they wondered if it was a joke.ï¿Â½ Animal Care and Control is trying to find a way to return Cheyenne, who is now 10 years old, to Edwards.ï¿Â½ The agency can’t afford to ship her to Florida, so workers there have been searching for a traveller to carry her on a plane trip.

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New Terminal for Moscow

Moscow’s Vnukovo airport has launched a new international terminal as part of a $1.3 billion modernization plan.ï¿Â½ Anyone who has passed through Vnukovo airport will agree that it is pretty shabby. “Unfortunately when you visit Moscow’s airports…you feel only ashamed when you see such conditions, all these buildings and the atmosphere,” Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov said at an opening ceremony marked with a 15-minute jet fighter air show.ï¿Â½ The three-story terminal, with modern-looking check-in facilities, electronic arrival boards, cafes and newspaper stands, stretches 25,000 square meters and can handle up to 10 million passengers a year.