Easter would not be Easter without a quick diving trip. Last year the Beetle went to the Red Sea on a live aboard, and this year, the Beetle was at a loss to work out where to go. A Muslim country seemed like a good idea because there would be fewer tourists going home to celebrate Easter, but it had to be somewhere with good diving.

Oman came to mind as being an unusual destination with hopefully some good diving opportunities. The Beetle contacted Trailfinders in the City, in London, to enquire about availability, cost and timings of flights to Oman. It seemed that there was quite a bit of availability, and the price was not too bad, considering it was Easter. The next step was to find a dive operation and a hotel.

A quick trawl on the net found a promising looking dive school that also had accommodation, so the Beetle went back to Trailfinders to say that she’d already be told of an Alitalia flight and read out the day and time. The puzzled operative said, no, there are no Alitalia flights going to Oman and quite honestly, it is all looking very busy, I can’t see the flight you are referring to and I’m not sure we can get you there now.

The Beetle has been using Trailfinders for over 10 years and thought this a little odd. Hang on a minute, just let me check something, the operative said. He came back triumphant. Yes, we’ve got you going on a flight to Amman, in Jordan! If the Beetle had booked the first time on enquiring, she would have ended up in Amman and not Oman – a very sobering thought!

The moral of the story is: no matter how experienced you think your travel agent is, they are not mind readers, always state the name of the country, even if you think it is obvious, like Paris, Texas, or Paris France, others may not know!

Says Peter from California who wrote in to tell us about how he and his partner, Leslie, traded vans and reaped the benefits of cheap travel. “And we”d love to do it again! We put a letter to the Editor in a caravan-owner”s magazine in England, saying we wanted to trade our California van for theirs.

Four weeks before our 2-month trip, a nice gent from Norwich called to say he”d consider it. After we traded references and information about our vans and how they were outfitted, he welcomed us. We spent a heavenly holiday travelling Britain, and then he and his wife came to use our van to visit the great parks of the American west!

We saved thousands of dollars/pounds. Van trades are better than house trades, because transportation is included and you”re not locked in at one location! Campgrounds are very inexpensive and have nice showers and laundry facilities.

We will soon have a new advertisement appearing in the Caravan Club Magazine–we”d love to visit France for 2 months! Insurance is not a problem, as each borrower gets their own to cover liability and collision.

In fact, if any of you fellow Globetrotters out there has a VW or other van (fancy factory-outfitted vans are not necessary–we can sleep in a bare tradesman”s van just fine), we”d love to trade with you.

Give me a call or an email: Peter Reimuller, Box 4, Point Arena, California, 95468; phone 1-(707)-882-2001; reimuller@mcn.org. And pack your bag–you”re going to be in some wonderful places!

Sorry–April not available as we are taking our van to Indian Country to visit the red-rock mesas and desert wildflowers.”

This is not for the faint hearted: if you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts that you are going to wish you hadn”t read.

During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground”s claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries.

The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats: 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog) 7 types of insect mostly fleas, mostly alive) vomit originating from at least 9 separate people human urine originating from at least 4 separate people human excrement rodent excrement human semen

When the seats were taken apart, they found: the remains of 6 mice the remains of 2 large rats 1 previously unheard of fungus It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests, you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people. It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground.

It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recently flushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating. It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst travelling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO,WE CAN HELP.

Write in and tell us your funny sign! Drop a line to the Beetle!Beetle@globetrotters.co.uk

Changi, Singapore: large, efficient, clean (good duty free) and looks great, what with the orchids and the waterfalls inside the airport

Aruba: clean, quiet and uncrowded

Denver: looks nice but crap shops

Landing strip at Kavak, Venezuela: a charming field – minimal environmental impact!

Heathrow: good shops for last minute forgotten item purchasing, can fly almost anywhere from it – downside it is horrible to get to and from, especially for early morning flights

The Stoat’s worst airports include:

Dar es Salaam – dirty, not many shops, expensive, sells 6 month old copies of the Economist

Local airport at Honiara: fly ridden, filthy and decidedly dodgy

Local airport at Vanuatu: same as Honiara

Write in and tell us your best airport nominations!Beetle@globetrotters.co.uk