It may be cheap (but not always), but it certainly isn't clever. And it definitely isn't funny! Flying Ryanair is not the fantastic low cost and cheerful option that it is made out to be. First, the low cost airlines (Ryanair, Buzz, and Easyjet/Go) have made Stansted their main hub.

Stansted is a major pain to get to and from as it is situated some 68km north of Central London and the principal way, to get there using public transport, is on the Stansted Express from Liverpool St in Central London. A return ticket from Liverpool St in central London costs £23 – not cheap for the 50 minute journey each way. If you arrive back into Stansted after midnight, the chances are that you will have missed the last train, because they do not always wait for the last flight, so the alternative to travel back to London is by expensive taxi – we are talking £60+ (or $100+). Now that the Stansted Express no longer runs on Sundays due to rail works, you have to take a painfully long coach journey that takes around 2 hours.

Secondly, one of the particularly unendearing habits practiced by BAA (British Airports Authority) at Stansted is to be selective as to which flights they decide to put up on the flight information screens. This lack of info seems to apply particularly to Ryanair flights. This means that you could be sitting waiting in the check in area for your flight check in information to appear on screen and it never does. A weary frequent Ryanair traveller warned the Beetle that this happens frequently, so a lesson learned is to occasionally prowl around the airport to check that your flight hasn't already started checking in. This happened to the Beetle going to Trieste, resulting in a late check in, only 15 minutes before the gate closed, reducing the amount of time available for foraging for duty free chocolate (and other Beetle fodder) to a minimum!

Thirdly, Ryanair do not give you a boarding pass with a printed seat number – it is free seating. What a nightmare, all those people with their sharp elbows. Dignified British queuing (um, no!) turns out in reality as a training opportunity for a rugby scrum! Is it really too much trouble to put seat numbers on a ticket?

Once you have wrestled your way on board, you may think about reading material to while away the excessive amount of time spent on the runway awaiting clearance to depart. You'd be disappointed. There is no reading material whatsoever; no free newspapers or magazines to read. The staff do hand out a brochure with pictures of perfumes and silly Ryan Air models (as if!!) and then when you approach landing, you are requested to hand them back again! (There really isn't anything worth reading in them anyway all, unless you like looking at pictures of grey coloured pearl necklaces.) Buzz, by contrast have excellent info brochures with information about your destination, what to see, where to go, recommendations on where to eat, day trips away etc.

Fifthly, forget on-board entertainment or headphones, music or films – the only entertainment to be had is to observe the no frills service you are paying for, for example, watching the faces of the uninitiated when they are asked to pay £4 ($6) for a sandwich, and £1.50 ($2) for a small and nasty coffee. For her trip to Oslo, the Beetle took a flask of coffee, much to the envy of fellow passengers and the annoyance of the air crew. (Buzz do the best and very drinkable coffee if you have a choice! Also recommended by our Webmaster!)

Even for someone of limited height, (5'2”), the seats are cripplingly unrealistically tiny with next to no leg room. Even the Beetle's knees touched the seat in front.

Sixthly, presumably also to cut costs, passengers are responsible for cleaning; whilst I agree with our webmaster that passengers should be tidy and take their rubbish away with them at the end of their journey, the Ryanair way is to have 2 “hostesses” walk down the aisle with a big bin liner open. You are required to lean over your fellow passengers and throw your rubbish in the bin liner as they walk by. Talk about target practice. It is one of my nightmares that one day, someone will actually use the sick bag provided (the only object to be found on your seat pocket) and be too embarrassed to try and throw it into this walking bin bag, so they'll leave it for me to find, whilst thinking oh, that's strange there actually is something in my seat pocket, I wonder what it is!

Seventh: the staff. My theory is that people who work for Ryanair failed to pass the Aeroflot entrance exams. Rudeness, ability to glare and make unnecessarily snotty remarks are all prerequisites for hiring. As for the pilots, flying Ryanair for them must be their first job out of pilot school. The Beetle has never, ever had a smooth two tyred landing on the handful of flights she has been with them.

But my biggest complaint about Ryanair: it's not just the poor service, which is abominable, it's not the supercilious staff, the lack of decent coffee or seat numbers, it's the fact that to cut costs, they often do not fly into the main airport in a city – and they don't even warn you about it on booking! The Beetle finds this practice offensively misleading. For example, if you want to fly to Copenhagen in Denmark, you actually arrive into Sweden and have to take a bus journey back into Denmark.

The Beetle recently flew Ryanair to Oslo. It was only after she had booked the tickets when she investigated how to get from the airport to the centre of Oslo, that she realised that Torp airport, where Ryanair fly into is 100km away from Oslo. At no time was this made clear when booking on-line, even though the booking was for Oslo. Had this been made abundantly clear, the Beetle would have gone elsewhere.

Not only is it 100 km away from Oslo, but there is no public transport after 8pm to Oslo from Torp (and even then, it is a very expensive taxi ride to the train station) as Torp is a very small sleepy little town. The Ryanair dedicated coach cost around £20 or $30 return and took 2 miserable hours so that a 7.25pm Stansted departure resulted in the Beetle arriving at her Oslo city centre hotel at almost 1am – and it is a 1 ½ hr flight and a one hour time difference. Do the math, as they say! The real airport in Oslo, where all of the other carriers fly into has excellent transport connections and takes less than half an hour from Oslo city centre by train. Never again!

For more info on Ryanair, visit: http://ryanair.com/

What do you think? Do you have a fave or hated airline? Want to get an airport or airline off your chest? Drop the Beetle a line: beetle@globetrotters.co.uk

Coming up on November 15, 2002, Robin Christmas, Linda Rosenbaum & Family: “The Ve-Ahavta” (“You Shall Love”) a video of a community development project in Bartica, Guyana.

For information on Ontario meetings, please contact: Svatka Hermanek:

shermanek@schulich.yorku.ca or Bruce Weber: tel. 416-203-0911 or Paul Webb: tel. 416-694-8259.

Meetings are held on the third Friday of January, March, May, September and November. Usually at the Woodsworth Co-op, Penthouse, 133, Wilton Street in downtown Toronto at 8.00 p.m.

Lahore is located 288 km from Islamabad. This capital of the Punjab is a city of gardens, parks and educational institutions with a rich heritage. It is an ancient town rich in historical monuments, including Mughal architecture. Lahore is considered to be the cultural capital of Pakistan.

Places of interest include the Badshahi Mosque, Lahore Fort, Old City Shrine of Data Ghanj Bukhsh, Anarkani Bazaar, Wazir Khan's Mosque, National Museum, Sikh monument, Minar Pakistan, the mausoleum of Jahangir, Nur Jahan and Asif Khan, Shalimar Garden, Jallo National Park as well as (some two hours drive from Lahore) there is a world's largest man made forest Chhanga Manga. Lahore is famous for folk dances (dhamal) with drum beating in a traditional way at shrines with a totally different essence of mystic surroundings. Visiting countryside and villages is an excellent experience near Lahore. Lahori people are very hospitable and this hospitality leaves unforgettable impression.

Badshahi Mosque

The city next crops up in literature in connection with the campaigns of the Turkish dynast Mahmud of Ghazni against the Rajas of Lahore between I00I and I008. Around this time it established itself as the capital of the Punjab and thereafter began to play an important and growing role as a centre of Muslim power and influence in the subcontinent. Its heyday was the Mughal era from the early sixteenth century onwards and, as Mughal power began to decline in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, Lahore suffered a concomitant period of ignominy and political eclipse. It was here, at the beginning of the nineteenth century, that the Sikh ruler Ranjit Singh declared himself Maharajah of the Punjab and allowed his troops to desecrate many of the city's beautiful Islamic shrines- including the Badshahi Mosque which was, for a while, converted into a powder magazine. By the time British occupied Lahore in I849, one writer moved to describe the city as 'a mere expanse of crumbling ruins'.

Lahore Fort

Nearby, the massively fortified walls of Lahore Fort speak eloquently of the centuries of passing history that they have witnessed. The fort antedates the coming of Mahmud of Ghazn i in the eleventh century, was ruined by the Mangols in I241, rebuilt in I267, destroyed a gain by Timurlane in I398 and rebuilt once more in I421. The great Mughal emperor Akbar re placed its mud walls with solid brick masonry in I566 and extended it northwards. Later Jehangir, Shah Jehan and Aurangzeb all added the stamps of their widely differing personalities to its fortification, gateways and palaces.

The fort encloses an area of approximately thirty acres and it is possible to spend many hours wandering there, lost in contemplation of times gone by, trying to reconstruct in your imagination a way of life that the world will never see again. The buildings within its walls are a testament to the gracious style of Mughal rule at its height, in which every man knew his place and courtly behaviour had been refined into an elaborately stratified social code. Much of the architecture reflects this code. From a raised balcony in the Diwan-e-Aam, or Hall of Public Audience, built by Shah Jehan in I63I, the emperors looked down on the common people over whom they ruled when they came to present petitions and to request the settlement of disputes. Wealthier citizens and the nobility were allowed to meet their emperors on a level floor in the Diwan-e-Khas, the Hall of Special Audience-which was also built by Shah Jehan, in I633.

Shalimar Garden, Lahore

Another magnificent remnant of the Mughal era, also partially vandalized in the late eighteenth century by the invading Sikhs, is the Shalimar Garden which stands on the Grand Trunk Road about eight kilometres to the east of the old part of Lahore. “Shalimar” means 'House of Joy' and, in truth, the passing centuries have done nothing to detract from the indefinable atmosphere of light-heartedness and laughter that characterizes this green and peaceful walled retreat. A canal runs the entire 2,006 foot (6II meters) length of the garden and from it 450 sparkling fountains throw up a skein of fresh water that cools and refreshes the atmosphere, making this a favourite place for afternoon walks for the citizens of modern Lahore. Lahore is rightly regarded as the cultural, architectural and artistic centre of Pakistan; indeed, the city is so steeped in historical distinction that it would be possible to spend a lifetime studying it without learning everything that there is to learn.

Hameed's areas of specialisation include documentary filmmaking, being a conservation leader from the WWF College for Conservation leadership, graphic design, teaching multimedia Arts at national college of Arts and he is a regular travel column contributor to an English speaking Pakistani newspaper. For more information on travel in Pakistan, Hameed is happy to answer any e-mails: hameed@gandhara.org

If you are looking for a friendly, clean cheap backpackers in Lahore, Hameed recommends the Regale Internet Inn in Lahore. E-mail: Regale_internet@yahoo.com